Teddy Coat/Monki, Bag/Céline, Knit/Isabel Marant, Pants/Malene Birger, Boots/Vagabond
Long time no see!
The last few days have been crazy. First of all, good news. It was exam week, and I succeeded to write a rather great essay for Friday besides all other hazsardness. Then, I flew to Berlin for one night on Wednesday. On a couple hours’ notice. I also got stuck in the elevator, twice, and got into a fight with a taxi driver (Even though the latter might sound like something distantly my fault, he was trying to fool me with the fare). Somehow, I still managed to stay in somewhat of a balance and get a fair amount of sleep – which made this week actually quite great.
I’m an addict. I’m addicted to adrenalin rushes, unexpected events, unpredictableness, traveling ex tempore and finding people to chase the night with. This combined with tenderness, sensitivity, and being rather vulnerable to the world makes it easy putting myself to situations that are harmful for my soul. My life so far has been learning to balance these two. How can I get best of the both worlds? How will I not lose myself when exploring the deeper and darker corners of the world? By staying me. By saying no when no needs to be said. By not giving too much of myself to people who do not deserve it. By spending time doing the things I love, reloading. Giving my body proper food and sleep for it to feel well.
I’ve always been one who struggles to know their own boundaries.
Looking back, I wish I would’ve safeguarded myself better, listened to the gut feeling. Not spent time on and given parts of my soul to people who only took without giving back. Learning slowly where my boundaries lie has given me such comfort I didn’t know existed. It has helped me to feel fulfilled by just being, not only by achieving. This still isn’t something I feel all day every day. But I do feel it every day.
If I’m having a stressful period, I recognize that I’m much more prone to comparing, envying, being hard on myself. Not seeing the good, but the bad. In these situations, I need to shut down social media. It’s so easy to chase solutions from reflecting your own life with others – ”Here I lie with tummy rolls and hormonal acne, but look at her being all perfect and shit”. Nowadays I make an effort to gently speak to myself that ”hey Hertta, this is you speaking. You might as well stop bullying yourself mentally since you’re the one you need to deal with the rest of your life”. Has worked wonders, believe it or not. Tough love!
The last post was published a week ago. I don’t wish to make a tradition out of only wishing you all great Sundays. But now as we’re here, have a great Sunday!